Michael Bay diarrhea
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
