I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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