stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
