i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found a bag of teeth...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
