i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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