hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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