so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
