My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
