I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
