I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
