I faked an abortion last night.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
