I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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