They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
