I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
