All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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