O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
