Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
