PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
