I got chris browned last night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
