In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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