yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
