I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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