I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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