im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
