yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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