My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
be right there i have to get my cape
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
