after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
