I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
