I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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