Do you still have your period?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
