Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
