Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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