His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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