so explain again why im purple
no
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
