You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
