Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
