Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
