Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
