Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
