I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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