Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
