you guys were way drunker than both of me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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