I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
