Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
