And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
