Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
