dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
