Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
