we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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