so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
