I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
