You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
