Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
