just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
