i jhust puked up my retainher.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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