he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
